An All-Hands Referendum

Photo by Perry Grone on Unsplash

         There were no historical references on since when the Left hand started wiping asses and the Right hand  started feeding the hungry mouths. However in the past few years there has been a growing dissent from the Left on this. Hence somebody decided that it is better to call for an all-hands meeting involving everybody, to have an impartial discussion on the simmering problems at hand. The agenda was set to simply discuss, debate and vote on who gets to  take up what roles for the better future of everybody. Both the Left and the Right knew always that it is for a given that one cannot function without the other and even if they try to do that it would result in almost everybody getting affected for the worse

       The discussion finally began with the Left citing various reasons from superstitious beliefs to religious dogmas that has resulted in the current situation of almost everybody choosing the Left to wipe their asses and the Right to feed their mouths. While it looked quite convincing and plausible for an argument sake, somebody brought out the point to the fore that it's not a matter of belief but based on the point of strength and confidence to get the respective hand-jobs done that has made people to be so. The Left said that there needs to be a clear referendum to decide on this matter. Almost everybody were initially skeptical on the idea of a referendum for something as trivial as this. But then the Left refused to work thereafter while the Right remained unfazed and eventually the environment became quite stinky. 

          Everybody agreed on the inevitable need of the hour and the date was set for the all-hands referendum. The referendum was to decide on whether the Left or the Right gets the majority of votes from everybody and the one that wins the majority would feed the mouths and the other gets to wipe the asses clean. 

            The referendum was a month away and until result was to be announced the status quo (of the Left wiping the asses and the Right feeding the mouths) was to be maintained. The election campaign started with the Right highlighting about what more they could do apart from feeding the mouths while the Left campaigned about why they are rightfully (ironically yes) entitled to do the feeding job. As the deadline neared for the referendum, the Left completely deserted their job and focussed only on winning the referendum. Eventually everybody started to suffer and it was the Right that came to the rescue and ensured that they did what was Left as well.

         The D-day arrived with both the groups quite confident about the prospects of winning, with the exit polls showing a tight race. As the counting of votes started, the swing was quite evidently building in favour of the Right. The final results were a shell shocker to the Left as almost everybody preferred the continuation of status quo with the Left's support base (pun unintended) literally decimated. The Left began to blame the wrongs with the Right in the fair conduct of the referendum until it dawned upon them that nobody was listening. Right was given the job of what's rightfully theirs while the Left was left with the option of all that was only left.

           

My Civil War | The Untold Story

       In light of the whole Bengaluru Mass Molestation being discussed and shared throughout social media a lot of thoughts surfaced in me. Today even 10-year Olds have a Facebook account and are very much informed than any average 40-year old. Not sure if that is a good thing. I so wish I was that informed a few years back.

        You see, I am a Rape victim. The sad part is, it took me two years to reconcile and understand that what had happened to me was rape. Before we get into details, shall we just use another term for rape? That word makes me cringe a bit even though I will be using it a lot here. How does WAR sound? So here on after I will be using the term "WAR" instead of "RAPE".

         Now going back to my earlier statement. I did not understand that what happened to me was war, for about two years. Because it was done by my boyfriend at that time. I thought war happened between people who did not know each other. Or people who basically did not like each other. At that point of time I thought this fellow liked me. So when he forced me inspite of me crying "NO" I thought this is how it will be. I was stupid. Stupid in way that I trusted a guy who basically forced me into a relationship by threatening me. I trusted him enough to go over to his place alone when he told me that he wanted to introduce his friends to me. 

          After watching most of those dumb Tamil movies I still thought it would be the bad guy who would ambush me. Never did the thought cross my mind that this fellow could harm me. Even when he forced my first ever kiss that I was uncomfortable and cried myself to sleep that night. When he started removing my dress and I tried to stop him, he simply tied my hands. What can a girl weighing 45 kg do against a guy who was still high from the drinks he had earlier that morning?  I don’t know what hurt me more. The way he was trying to enter me when I was not ready or the way he kept spewing out demeaning comments like “You are not even bleeding. You are such a slut huh.” “Your pussy stinks. Don’t you wash your genitals ever?” “Stop resisting whore”.

         Oh yeah! Probably a whore would've resisted, I thought. And at that point I did not even understand what I was doing to resist. I was lying there helpless with my hands tied, tears streaming down my cheeks. I remember not being able to sit without wincing for the next few days. I remember getting my period a day later and I couldn’t even get out of bed for a week. I remember sitting on the terrace and crying and asking for forgiveness from my grandpa. I had betrayed my dreams of losing virginity to my husband. That was my problem at that time. Not once did it cross me that the incident was not how one should have lost their virginity ideally (married or not) I did not know what happened. And I did not go to anyone for help. I did not even know that I needed help. 

           Fast forward two years and I was reading an online story where a war victim justified her side of the story. That is when I realized that I too am a war victim. Like the girl in that story. If you have ever been awoken by pouring a bucket of ice cold water, well this felt 1000 times worse than that for me. Now I knew I needed help. But how was I ever supposed to make someone understand that I did not even know what happened to me until now? 

         The interesting part was that, I was 17 when it happened. Legally speaking that guy should be behind bars now. Lets not go there for now. But what did I do? After I understood that I have been victimized?  Well I did not know what to do. Frankly it is not something I could be open about to anyone. Knowing that everyone just keeps judging everyone for no reason. I pretty much kept to myself though. Obviously, I blamed myself. Tried to find a psychologist. Found one on the internet. Went to him. He basically started preaching spirituality to me. Left it at that and went about my life. Buried myself in the world of books and art. Any hobby was interesting for me. My secret was very safe with me. And I was the only one who knew about it. I tried to talk about it to a guy who seemed all understanding. Then I realized he wanted sympathy sex with me. I was not going to go on that road man! Nope!  So I stopped trying to reach out to anyone. 

          Fast forward two more years. I was happily working, I have a boyfriend, a few good friends. One fine night when one of those friends got piss drunk and was whining about his life I couldn’t take it and blurted out “I am a war victim. Do you see me getting drunk and destroying my life? Do you see me complaining and whining?” That sort of shut him up for a good minute. The other friends in the conference call were shocked to say anything. And that is pretty much how I opened up to my friends. Until then I did not have the courage to even accept it. Much less say it out loud. They convinced me to tell my boyfriend. He was on a vacation that time. I still took the chance and told him. It took him a week to process the information and come back with a response. I don’t blame him. He still accepted me. He said he didn’t care about my past. But that one week was agonizing for me. Wondering what people think and wondering if they will just accept me… That was a very bad phase! I would rather not go down that road again. 

            I hope whoever is reading this can understand that Sex Education is not just information about how intercourse happens in a biological way. It is also about understanding what is acceptable and what is not. A no is a NO. No man or woman deserves to be touched against their wish. I am not saying one shouldn't have a partner or fool around. If your girlfriend says that she is not ready, let her be. Trust me! It will be much better when she is ready. Even if it was a friend or your own husband who violated you, it is war. If you think you initiated the make out session, you have the right to stop when you feel uncomfortable. 

             Any action that makes you feel violated/uncomfortable/used is war. Report it. Talk about it to your closest friend. If you think your parents will understand, tell them. Express your feelings. Get help. Do not keep it within yourself. You do not deserve it. This is your body. You make the rules. You decide who gets to touch it. It is your wish and only your wish. Anyone who says otherwise is wrong. They do not have any rights. 

             And Dear Men, please do not think that this is a privilege that only Women have. This is a fundamental right that everyone (supposedly) has. I can only talk from an woman's perspective. But please understand that I would hold your hand if you need the strength. I get it. I wished someone had told me all this. I still wish to punish the guy who did it to me. Making me scared to trust anyone in my life again. More than the physical after effects, it is the mental trauma that still haunts me. I wish I had the strength to talk about it. Until recently I did not have the courage to even come out and say that I am a war victim. I wished I had help. And this is me trying to help people who have been war victims. This is me reaching out. This is me saying "You decide what you want and what you don't want." 

A Brutally Honest Relationship Confession

            It has been quite a few years now and I must say the journey has been a really tough ride. Well, it all began as a curiosity (that which was thought to be love) at first sight and continued on with the typical meeting, waiting, eating et al. Though I approached the meet-ups (the so called relationship) without any expectations, the surroundings (oh yeah the people) started defining and filling in even when there were no blanks. Not that I was uncomfortable about them doing so, but then this thing between her and I of course came with its riders. 

          For the person I am I started to develop the tolerance, patience and slipped into the world of nonchalance (without a doubt, implicitly). On top of these I was caught amidst the expectations of the surrounding and the  exasperation of the relationship. And I inevitably  started to live dual lives, one for the world and one within the four walls.

       It was no brainer to realize that the curiosity (love) was indeed a short lived phenomenon and life thereafter more so became accustomed to being unconcerned roomies in contrast to the erstwhile accommodative partners. Preparing food was never her forte or even worse was the fact that she ate as and when she pleased. I confined myself to home food while she flew off every other day and I don't even remember when she came back home.

             Though I showed an outwardly patience and restraint, day by day my resentment and annoyance for even her presence in my vicinity, grew. Working on improving the relationship was a lopsided aka a one sided affair. I understood her main contention being my bringing home of friends and relatives. She liked things to be calm and peaceful for her to come out of her invisible shell and even have a meal. I still obliged and cut down the frequency of people coming home and instead started meeting people outside.

            It was indeed a considerable attempt as far as I was concerned however she did not seem to notice or rather care about it. I wasn't able to fathom what else was running in her mind and it started to irritate me even more. Again restraint and patience is what I resorted to and I ceased to care or work on towards the betterment of the relationship and things sort of started to settle with same state of affairs as the status quo.  

         I went on with my daily work routine without bothering even a bit thereafter and surprisingly I started to notice a positive change in her, she was all chirpy and bold and I could see her being very active too. I started to break my head and what could possibly be the reason behind but in vain.  

           Once, I came back home earlier than usual and without an announcement I unlocked the house, she was having a party with a lot of folks (strangers to me) and she was taken aback with my unannounced arrival. I did not say a word or even flinch but everybody ran helter-skelter and exited quietly one after the other. I was cross with her and for once shouted at her for her hypocrisy of hosting strangers but avoiding even the presence of folks known to me. It started to fume within me on all things from the past and I warned her not to indulge again.

                The next few weeks went by without an incident and ever since that party suspicion started to grow manifold in me and I started to sort of keep track of what's happening. I am a sound sleeper and once I retire for the day I tend to sleep like a log, which she was very much aware in these many years of being around. One night a fearful nightmare shook me and woke me up. I walked into the dining area half-awake to drink a glass of water and (no awards for guessing) she was partying crazy with so many folks.  I couldn't even figure out how many and some were so young that I could only call them kids. That was it and I let go of the last straw holding back my temper and I don't even know what was I thinking and I got hold of a broom in the room and ran angrily towards them and started hitting all of them. Many jumped out and managed to escape, while a little more than a couple just dropped down dead one by one. I couldn't understand a thing and wondered if I was so strong or were they so weak. My mind did not calm down and she was the last one standing frozen in her looks after having witnessed the massacre. She tried to run away and I just landed a soft blow on her back, she dropped down unconscious. Time as well a lots of thoughts were running hard and fast. 

           I had to make a choice and after a lot a thought I swept her and all the other dead cockroaches into the dustpan and flushed them down the drain in one go. 

Waiting for karma to hit me back with vengeance...

Net Neutrality: A wrong & misinformed fight!

        

           Just like how Hollywood movies used to release in India (months after its US premiere) until a few years ago, the Network Neutrality debate has finally landed in India almost a year after peaking the mainstream in the US of the A. Not surprisingly everybody (who makes money via the Internet [read as YouTube]) has put their heart and soul in parading against the curb of Internet freedom, voicing against Facebook-Reliance tie ups or Airtel Zero-Flipkart deals and what not. With Internet Freedom paraders on one side and the TSP (Telecom Service Providers) on the other, either of them are trying their best to voice their end of the argument being fairly absolute.  Though TRAI (Telecom Regulatory Authority of India) has joined the party pretty late, their premise of request for comments from public has not really been 'Neutral' per se but just turned up to be a fancy judge between two fighting parties.

             However, you might be surprised that there is huge degree of real 'Net Neutrality' that is actually missing. With the current debate raging between this way or that way, everyone somehow are missing the middle path that is technically 'The Neutral' path too.

             Prior to looking at what the middle path is and how it retains the NN (Net Neutrality), Internet has to be first looked upon on what it is in the current state. One of the most common take of the NN supporters is for the Internet to remain a non-partisan and non controlled information access medium. A few facts to the better understanding of all the NN supporters as well as to set the context of this case.

Did You Know?

• Internet was neither envisioned nor designed (in first place) to be Neutral.
• Each of the application protocol standards that has evolved have always found wanting of a preferential treatment of their packets called QoS (Quality of Service) in their own respective ways.
• The existing unbundled Internet medium is not a factual endorsed NN view point but a skewed one-sided end-user centric setup.

 Hence in the true spirits of holding NN as a supreme goal a middle path has to been drawn where it has to be clearly regarded a SIN

• If end-users say or expect Skype calling and Wikipedia Browsing to be one and the same.
• If TSPs decides to provide selective applications the entire bandwidth and QoS while some similar other applications are left to suffer.

What is the Middle Path?

• Everybody (from NN supporters to TSPs) need to understand that real NN can only be delivered practically if all of us joined hands in our respective roles, agreements and understandings.
• End-users should be made clearly aware of the application level impact and differences on the existing Protocol level differences between, for instance a Skype call & a Wikipedia browsing (aka VoIP and HTTP) and on why treating both as the same is making the idea of real NN void.
• The OTT (Over The Top) should be broadly categorized into different group based their network necessity.
• The TSPs should hold the same level playing field for all OTT applications in every category without any preferential QoS whatsoever for either of them.
• It is high time that the TSPs create category specific (NOT application specific) bandwidth channels so that end-users have the flexibility to choose and subscribe accordingly based on their needs.

With the current trend of support and lobbying growing on either sides, TRAI is either going to lean to this end (leave Internet as such) or that end (bring in model for charging OTT) sometime real soon which at the end of the day is NOT Network Neutrality in the truest of senses! I shall still pin my hope on for sanity to prevail and Network Neutrality in the purest of forms come into existence! 

People who demand neutrality in any situation are usually not neutral but in favor of the status quo.

-

Max Eastman

Five Revelations at Amma Unavagam

    
        Dining for many is an act to fill one's stomach and get going to carry on with their other daily chores. However it is more so an experience that is lived through each time for a few. A recent dining experience at Amma Unavagam (The state-run catering service) made a long lasting never-felt-before experience.

• #5 - The only place where people from all walks of life can 'technically' dine under one roof.
• #4 - No one ever serves food or water for 'that extra' tip.
• #3 -The sanctity of food being a necessity is felt higher and very minimal to none is wasted.
• #2 - One can come alone and still be able to make up a community dinner of the sorts out of it!
• #1 - There are no fine prints on the pricing which would unknowingly rob you of your money in the name of taxes and charges. 

       It is surprisingly true that very little to none as stated above are possible even in the wildest of dreams in any of umpteen 'classy' restaurants that exists in the city.

        It is indeed true that there are questions raised on the loss incurred to the government in the long run. Well what's there if the government loses some of its budget in the noble of providing cost effective meal to the needy?

Thus Spake Chennai

This post is part of the blog tag titled, The CBC Tablog where CBC stands for Chennai Bloggers club. About 35 bloggers from Chennai are participating  in this blog tag where everyone will write about their favorite city Chennai and what it means to them.  Well I've differed it a bit and tried to put myself in her shoes and spoken from Chennai in my typical 55 words or less. So here's my post for the CBC tablog. 

---

I started with kids afew

Adopting millions over years together

Having grown richer and bigger with age.

My kids have loved me, hated me

And kept molding me to accustom to their lifestyles,

Some I’ve been proud of

While despised some others

But complained to none

Neither as erstwhile Madras nor being Chennai.

---

I'd like to pass this marathon baton further and here's someone who states and I quote "I came I saw I blog, I think I blog, I blog, @vadapoche on twitter" 

The Leap

Here you are,

one of earliest known epitomes 

explaining that four quarters makes a full.

I was never the same last time

 nor will be the same next time I see you.

Neither have I looked forward for your arrival,

nor have I missed you

but

you've always been so special

by your existence.

Love at First Sight

It was at a b'day party,

I saw her for the first time.

Love gushed through my veins 

instantaneously.

I was flirting with her all along, 

however

she remained unperturbed, silent

and 

focused

on whatever she was up-to.

Asked a friend for her name.

"Canon EF50mm Lens"

was the reply.

"What a Creation"

I sighed...!!!