Top 5 Reasons Why Vishwaroopam Should be Banned in Tamil Nadu

              Just heard here and here too last night that the Vishwaroopam screening was (allegedly) banned in Tamil Nadu on request from the Muslim minority representatives and I sort of got the hang of the plausible underlying reasons. Without further ado here are the top five reasons for it.

• #5 - The movie did not really represent the minority of Muslims in Tamil Nadu but rather showed certain elements that exist at large on a global level, which is really an insult to the locals. Of all people, Kamal Hassan being a Tamil movie maker should have given priority to the practices and lives of the Tamil speaking ones rather than what he had shown. 
• #4 - National Muslim groups had their share of limelight with issues like Kashmir, Gujarat and what not, every now and then leading to media attention on them. "The most recent development in Andhra Pradesh on Muslim leaders was the spark to  awaken us and we the Tamil Muslims think tanks decided unanimously to make us 'visible' to gain media attention" said a Tamil Muslim primary school graduate on grounds of anonymity.
• #3 -  Kamal Hassan said in an interview that Muslims are a minority only in this part of the world however they are a major section of people in the world at large. Hence this triggered fears in Tamil Muslims that they might lose all the government ordered perks that they enjoy as minorities if the government sided with the actor in those views.
• #2 - Some Muslims who had worked in this movie had said Kamal Hassan had portrayed a Muslim character with so much deft and authenticity that he could easily  be seen as an age old Muslim. This further triggered fears amongst the Tamil Muslim minorities that if by chance Kamal converts to Islam, he might take over the coveted leadership roles of the current Tamil Muslim leaders across the state of Tamil Nadu.
• #1 - This is the most important reason I believe, which is a two part reasoning when Kamal decided to showcase a special screening of Vishwaroopam to the Tamil Muslim group leaders. One part being, the Muslim leaders had asked for a few hundred more extra tickets for the show so that their extended families could be accommodated for that special screening, which apparently was denied wholly by Kamal. Other part being, after the end of the screening, most of the 'viewers' could not grasp the actual story or portrayal or even the character names for that matter, as they were busy looking for number of Muslims shown and hence they requested Kamal for another show for which he asked them to watch it on DTH, a week later.

PS: This is a pure work of fiction on a satirical front.

PPS: Any resemblance to reality is purely a coincidence, unintentional and unwarranted.

World Headlines in 2060 - America #1

"A success for US in their war against terror as they find Weapons of Mass Destruction PHOTOS in N'Djamena, CHAD"

Photo Courtesy: US, Dept of State

         In a major breakthrough for the US in about 60 years of their WAR AGAINST TERROR, they finally proved their posthumous critics wrong after unearthing "Original photocopies" of hundreds of Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMD) photos. It is dubbed as the biggest haul by the US since the beginning of their war against terror that started way back in 2001, after the 9/11 attacks on the WTC twin towers. With this conquest of CHAD, one of the central part of the African Continent, US has just announced that "their hard work and strong goals in eradicating terrorism from the face of the Earth has just been rewarded soundly". This has instilled confidence in finding WMD in as soon as another 40 years. Highly placed sources quoting Intel reports suggested that now since entire Africa has been conquered sanitized by the US, they are almost certain that the WMD have been move to Europe or Asia by the Saddam Hussein loyalists. The US President is expected to fly to Ground Zero and make a speech from there, thanking all the 'wise minds' who've supported and stood beside them in this WAR AGAINST TERROR.

Mr.Chovan Held Kobama's Hand Longer Than Expected

      For the first time in the history of Send-Off ceremonies, Mr.Ashog Chovan was seen SHAKING HANDS with Mr.Kobama LONGER than that was defined by the Protocol draft and in-fact the Protocol Minister Juresh Jetty was seen restless having witnessed the incident from close-quarters.

   "With reports and comments flowing in from various Government establishments, we're still unaware of the reason for Mr.Chovan's unruly act." - An FBI Security Chief at the Mumbai Airport

The White House was the first to react stating "This incident is totally unacceptable and we've called on a High-Level Meet to assess ALL the possible security breaches summing up-to this."

"We had been briefing and making 'these people' in India, on how to shake hands with Mr.Kobama and now with this lapse we have identified that Mr.Chovan had skipped the last two training sessions. We sure will take this issue with our Indian Intelligence Counterparts ASAP" - The CIA Chief-In-Charge of Security at the Send-Off location.

A Sting operation by INN-CBN has released EXCLUSIVE INN-CBN watermarked video tapes of the disgruntled Mr.Jetty post the incident sighing - "He (Mr.Chovan) did not have the latest Protocol Script v5.0. and He did not pay attention to me as well."

Ms.Rirupama Nao of the Ministry of External Affairs stated  - "Its too soon to comment on this and we are yet to receive any formal report / complaint from our US counterparts."

With various Indian National News Television agencies already in full preparations to bring out their versions of discussing this ISSUE of NATIONAL SHAME, our close sources revealed that 

• Sardeep Rajdesai of INN-CBN has already roped-in THREE PROTOCOL Experts from both India and US to discuss this issue prime-time tonight along with a strong contingent of 25 other experts.
• Proving they're not too shy at this game, NDeTV has asked Ms.Darka Bhatt to audition a set of 100 young people between the ages 20-30 based on who-claps-the-loudest and air a show prime-time tonight discussing this issue. 
• Nimes TOW has already started Breaking News as I speak, raising questions of speculative nature like...
• Whom to blame?? Was it Mr.Kobama or Mr.Chovan, who held the hand LONGER??
• Could this be a publicity stunt by Mr.Chovan to make up for his Adarsh SCAM???
• Did Mr.Chovan just follow "orders" of the Congress High Command in doing this???
• Was there a foreign HAND involved in this incident???
• The rest of the National English Channels are busy watermarking each of OUR photo stock as EXCLUSIVELY theirs.
  

With camera person Will-capture-all-footage Singh, this is I-am-the-news-breaker Patel for Pee Tee Aai, signing off!!!

BREAKING NEWS !!!

I heard the phrase "BREAKING NEWS" for the first time on CNN, right after the 9/11 attack. It was flashing all day throughout the course of the entire episode. That was the period what I feel as "The Incubation" as far as the Indian television news channel industry was concerned. Very few players here then, who actually broadcast the BREAKING NEWS themselves. At that time I yearned for WHEN, will such a kind of quick response news be aired LIVE or in other words, news be broken on an Indian News Television. As time passed by, the Indian News Channel industry bloomed and umpteen number of News Channels came into existence and my yearning finally started to recede. For once I was happy on the fact that our Indian News channels have started to compete with the News Channel giants across the world in providing quality "BREAKING NEWS". But today, the objective of our news channels have shifted greatly into a way of using "BREAKING NEWS" everyday for highlighting all sort of stories which are not way worth it making to that category and hence the whole meaning, importance and essence of "BREAKING NEWS" is totally lost.

The trend as on date of our news channels are of providing EXCLUSIVE news footage rather than the actual news conveyed in its true sense. Every news channel on a daily basis will definitely have at least one such news item to use as their USP (sounds funny for a news channel though). With the advent of Internet, telecom and technology its happy to see the advancements in news channels (be it Online opinion polls or the Sms polls etc) but the questions many a time taken up for discussions or opinion polls aren't actually the questions that arise based on a particular news event but rather a discussion which actually gives new dimensions to the issue which dilutes the actual issue discussed in first place.

There was once a time where controversies or issues were brought to the light by news media but now the news media itself is being used as a medium to spark controversies and then being broadcast as something EXCLUSIVE caught on tape, making the little known people involved in it, a celebrity, overnight. It would be really incomplete if the advertisements doesn't have a mention here. Are the advertisements in midst of news or the other way round ?? Day by day the news footage space on screen is reducing with more and more advertisement blocks occupying the bottom of the TV screen.

Nowadays more often than not the News Media have come under the scanner of the Information & Broadcasting Ministry citing the media coverage of the 26/11 Mumbai attacks for instance. I feel the media hype or the media frenzy (to be more apt) that was created for the Swine Flu here has made the common man panic rather than be aware. The opportunistic side of such adverse coverage of Swine Flu situation has resulted in the sky rocketing demands for the face mask and medicines (that supposedly said they had cures for the Flu).

In a nutshell the news on TV is more of "re-engineered" news and "highlighted" entertainment rather than what it truly needs to be.