It has been quite a few years now and I must say the journey has been a really tough ride. Well, it all began as a curiosity (that which was thought to be love) at first sight and continued on with the typical meeting, waiting, eating et al. Though I approached the meet-ups (the so called relationship) without any expectations, the surroundings (oh yeah the people) started defining and filling in even when there were no blanks. Not that I was uncomfortable about them doing so, but then this thing between her and I of course came with its riders.
For the person I am I started to develop the tolerance, patience and slipped into the world of nonchalance (without a doubt, implicitly). On top of these I was caught amidst the expectations of the surrounding and the exasperation of the relationship. And I inevitably started to live dual lives, one for the world and one within the four walls.
It was no brainer to realize that the curiosity (love) was indeed a short lived phenomenon and life thereafter more so became accustomed to being unconcerned roomies in contrast to the erstwhile accommodative partners. Preparing food was never her forte or even worse was the fact that she ate as and when she pleased. I confined myself to home food while she flew off every other day and I don't even remember when she came back home.
Though I showed an outwardly patience and restraint, day by day my resentment and annoyance for even her presence in my vicinity, grew. Working on improving the relationship was a lopsided aka a one sided affair. I understood her main contention being my bringing home of friends and relatives. She liked things to be calm and peaceful for her to come out of her invisible shell and even have a meal. I still obliged and cut down the frequency of people coming home and instead started meeting people outside.
It was indeed a considerable attempt as far as I was concerned however she did not seem to notice or rather care about it. I wasn't able to fathom what else was running in her mind and it started to irritate me even more. Again restraint and patience is what I resorted to and I ceased to care or work on towards the betterment of the relationship and things sort of started to settle with same state of affairs as the status quo.
I went on with my daily work routine without bothering even a bit thereafter and surprisingly I started to notice a positive change in her, she was all chirpy and bold and I could see her being very active too. I started to break my head and what could possibly be the reason behind but in vain.
Once, I came back home earlier than usual and without an announcement I unlocked the house, she was having a party with a lot of folks (strangers to me) and she was taken aback with my unannounced arrival. I did not say a word or even flinch but everybody ran helter-skelter and exited quietly one after the other. I was cross with her and for once shouted at her for her hypocrisy of hosting strangers but avoiding even the presence of folks known to me. It started to fume within me on all things from the past and I warned her not to indulge again.
The next few weeks went by without an incident and ever since that party suspicion started to grow manifold in me and I started to sort of keep track of what's happening. I am a sound sleeper and once I retire for the day I tend to sleep like a log, which she was very much aware in these many years of being around. One night a fearful nightmare shook me and woke me up. I walked into the dining area half-awake to drink a glass of water and (no awards for guessing) she was partying crazy with so many folks. I couldn't even figure out how many and some were so young that I could only call them kids. That was it and I let go of the last straw holding back my temper and I don't even know what was I thinking and I got hold of a broom in the room and ran angrily towards them and started hitting all of them. Many jumped out and managed to escape, while a little more than a couple just dropped down dead one by one. I couldn't understand a thing and wondered if I was so strong or were they so weak. My mind did not calm down and she was the last one standing frozen in her looks after having witnessed the massacre. She tried to run away and I just landed a soft blow on her back, she dropped down unconscious. Time as well a lots of thoughts were running hard and fast.
I had to make a choice and after a lot a thought I swept her and all the other dead cockroaches into the dustpan and flushed them down the drain in one go.
Waiting for karma to hit me back with vengeance...