An All-Hands Referendum

Photo by Perry Grone on Unsplash

         There were no historical references on since when the Left hand started wiping asses and the Right hand  started feeding the hungry mouths. However in the past few years there has been a growing dissent from the Left on this. Hence somebody decided that it is better to call for an all-hands meeting involving everybody, to have an impartial discussion on the simmering problems at hand. The agenda was set to simply discuss, debate and vote on who gets to  take up what roles for the better future of everybody. Both the Left and the Right knew always that it is for a given that one cannot function without the other and even if they try to do that it would result in almost everybody getting affected for the worse

       The discussion finally began with the Left citing various reasons from superstitious beliefs to religious dogmas that has resulted in the current situation of almost everybody choosing the Left to wipe their asses and the Right to feed their mouths. While it looked quite convincing and plausible for an argument sake, somebody brought out the point to the fore that it's not a matter of belief but based on the point of strength and confidence to get the respective hand-jobs done that has made people to be so. The Left said that there needs to be a clear referendum to decide on this matter. Almost everybody were initially skeptical on the idea of a referendum for something as trivial as this. But then the Left refused to work thereafter while the Right remained unfazed and eventually the environment became quite stinky. 

          Everybody agreed on the inevitable need of the hour and the date was set for the all-hands referendum. The referendum was to decide on whether the Left or the Right gets the majority of votes from everybody and the one that wins the majority would feed the mouths and the other gets to wipe the asses clean. 

            The referendum was a month away and until result was to be announced the status quo (of the Left wiping the asses and the Right feeding the mouths) was to be maintained. The election campaign started with the Right highlighting about what more they could do apart from feeding the mouths while the Left campaigned about why they are rightfully (ironically yes) entitled to do the feeding job. As the deadline neared for the referendum, the Left completely deserted their job and focussed only on winning the referendum. Eventually everybody started to suffer and it was the Right that came to the rescue and ensured that they did what was Left as well.

         The D-day arrived with both the groups quite confident about the prospects of winning, with the exit polls showing a tight race. As the counting of votes started, the swing was quite evidently building in favour of the Right. The final results were a shell shocker to the Left as almost everybody preferred the continuation of status quo with the Left's support base (pun unintended) literally decimated. The Left began to blame the wrongs with the Right in the fair conduct of the referendum until it dawned upon them that nobody was listening. Right was given the job of what's rightfully theirs while the Left was left with the option of all that was only left.

           

What's a befitting tribute to APJ Abdul Kalam?

 

  For what he as done, said & lived, is a public holiday, candle march or rather a visit to his birth town a mark of tribute?

Here's a long list of what ideally could be a pledge in honor of one of the finest modern statesmen the world has ever seen.

"I take a vow with utmost sincerity & dedication to the grand old Missile Man of India and offer to stand by it no matter what the circumstance would be, that at least from this day..."

As an Academician

   I would envision & formulate an education system that would not just make the children educated but truly learned.

As a Teacher

   I would empower my students with my knowledge & experience as well as be open to learn and update myself in the process as well.

As a Student

  With a rational mindset I would learn, understand, question & even debate what is unveiled to me both inside as well as outside of schools.

 As The President of India

    I would expedite all mercy petitions in shortest turnaround time with due diligence in the process. I would also uphold the idealism of my office in terms of how a First Citizen needs to be like how Bharat Ratna Dr.APJ Abdul Kalam exhibited.

As a Politician

   I would be simple, honest and ethical in my words as well as activities and would abide by the rules laid down by the constitution in the truest of senses & work for the best interest of the nation, state, district, town, panchayat in same the stated order devoid of any interferences in the name of religion, caste or family.

As a Government Servant

  I would carry out my work with utmost care, diligence & timeliness unfettered by the lures of personal favors, be it from bureaucrats, politicians or general public.

As a Policeperson 

  I would protect, serve & uphold justice as laid down by the codes of conduct and provide a shoulder to trust upon at all times of anyone's personal duress, without an iota of expectation of return of favors in terms of money or material from the affected folks.

As a Lawyer

  I would wholeheartedly believe in the Indian Penal Code & represent my party in an impeccable manner till the exhaustion of all possible legal remedies and accept the judgement with grace.

As a Judge

  I would give a fair hearing to the prosecution as well as the defense and provide a comprehensive and conclusive judgement at the shortest time possible that would carry utmost merit and would stand to be upheld if there exists a provision of further appeal.

As a Journalist

  I would apply my mind in clearly distinguishing what news & opinions are and publish it in the appropriate way only upon verifying the authenticity of facts at hand. I shall uphold the ethical integrity that befits the fourth pillar and remain non-partisan on all counts.

As a Doctor

  I would diagnose & treat the health issues with my best judgement for anyone who seeks my expert medical advice without any profit-making motives whatsoever.

As an Engineer

  In the process of nation building on all possible ways I would strive to be an engineer based on my prowess rather than work as an engineer for paltry sums for survival.

As an Entrepreneur 

  I would envision and execute ventures that not just serves a particular section to the society but rather the world at large having in mind, of it not being an impediment to all the rudimentary assets of nature & our environment.

As an Indian

  I would 

• keep my vicinity clean.
• abide by the rules and laws of the nation be from the smallest to the gravest.
• embrace religious beliefs of any faith if it is ethical, righteous & gives me a better guidance in life.
• be proud to use locally made goods, be it of any nature and in turn support the process of making it a much sought-after one, globally.
• spread positivity to others and always be helpful to people around.
• take care of nature and nurture it as my own for a better world in the future.
• vote without any sectarian bias for anyone whom I believe is the right person to take the country in the right way.

 

Net Neutrality: A wrong & misinformed fight!

        

           Just like how Hollywood movies used to release in India (months after its US premiere) until a few years ago, the Network Neutrality debate has finally landed in India almost a year after peaking the mainstream in the US of the A. Not surprisingly everybody (who makes money via the Internet [read as YouTube]) has put their heart and soul in parading against the curb of Internet freedom, voicing against Facebook-Reliance tie ups or Airtel Zero-Flipkart deals and what not. With Internet Freedom paraders on one side and the TSP (Telecom Service Providers) on the other, either of them are trying their best to voice their end of the argument being fairly absolute.  Though TRAI (Telecom Regulatory Authority of India) has joined the party pretty late, their premise of request for comments from public has not really been 'Neutral' per se but just turned up to be a fancy judge between two fighting parties.

             However, you might be surprised that there is huge degree of real 'Net Neutrality' that is actually missing. With the current debate raging between this way or that way, everyone somehow are missing the middle path that is technically 'The Neutral' path too.

             Prior to looking at what the middle path is and how it retains the NN (Net Neutrality), Internet has to be first looked upon on what it is in the current state. One of the most common take of the NN supporters is for the Internet to remain a non-partisan and non controlled information access medium. A few facts to the better understanding of all the NN supporters as well as to set the context of this case.

Did You Know?

• Internet was neither envisioned nor designed (in first place) to be Neutral.
• Each of the application protocol standards that has evolved have always found wanting of a preferential treatment of their packets called QoS (Quality of Service) in their own respective ways.
• The existing unbundled Internet medium is not a factual endorsed NN view point but a skewed one-sided end-user centric setup.

 Hence in the true spirits of holding NN as a supreme goal a middle path has to been drawn where it has to be clearly regarded a SIN

• If end-users say or expect Skype calling and Wikipedia Browsing to be one and the same.
• If TSPs decides to provide selective applications the entire bandwidth and QoS while some similar other applications are left to suffer.

What is the Middle Path?

• Everybody (from NN supporters to TSPs) need to understand that real NN can only be delivered practically if all of us joined hands in our respective roles, agreements and understandings.
• End-users should be made clearly aware of the application level impact and differences on the existing Protocol level differences between, for instance a Skype call & a Wikipedia browsing (aka VoIP and HTTP) and on why treating both as the same is making the idea of real NN void.
• The OTT (Over The Top) should be broadly categorized into different group based their network necessity.
• The TSPs should hold the same level playing field for all OTT applications in every category without any preferential QoS whatsoever for either of them.
• It is high time that the TSPs create category specific (NOT application specific) bandwidth channels so that end-users have the flexibility to choose and subscribe accordingly based on their needs.

With the current trend of support and lobbying growing on either sides, TRAI is either going to lean to this end (leave Internet as such) or that end (bring in model for charging OTT) sometime real soon which at the end of the day is NOT Network Neutrality in the truest of senses! I shall still pin my hope on for sanity to prevail and Network Neutrality in the purest of forms come into existence! 

People who demand neutrality in any situation are usually not neutral but in favor of the status quo.

-

Max Eastman

Top Five Ways To Eradicate Poverty In India

      Wikipedia defines Poverty as "The state of one who lacks a certain amount of material possessions or money". Its been 60+ years now since India has been attached with this tag of being a poverty ridden Independent Country. Its high time this situation is addressed once and for all. Being 'a responsible citizen' of this nation its my duty to put my best foot forward in marching towards eradicating poverty. The following is my Panchsheel which would 'eradicate' poverty. 

• Calling Representatives - An easy and age old way is first to identify the poverty ridden regions and then its representatives. Call them for a meeting and buy them out one by one and if you can completely appease the entire section and bring them to your side, the problem is solved and these representatives would take care that no more in future someone would raise a voice telling there are poor and suffering people.  
• FDI Strategy - Identify the poorest village, take away land from the locals. Give it at throwaway leases to MNCs across industrial verticals to invest and setup industries, which in turn makes the real estate boom, land value increase, Malls come up and the locals can be inducted into the workforce and boom, the village becomes rich in spending and lifestyle.
• Mass Movement - Take a census of the approximate number of people who're poor, clear up a State (that borders with another country) and move all the poor people to this state. Reach out to TRS party's Chandrashekar Reddy's book of "Creation of New State for DUMMIES". Else use the existing states like Jammu & Kashmir or Arunachal Pradesh and once the migration of all the poor people is complete, disown the state and give them  to Pakistan or China respectively, which would solve the border issues as well make India free of poverty.
• Media Bluff - Buy out any and all forms of Media (for this cause as well) and make them propagate to  the world to believe that India is a poverty free country and most importantly close all gaps to prevent the International Media from finding the truth. I think 'The Namesake Gandhi' family has pioneered in this feat and just that they have to extend their support and knowledge for this cause too.
• Rajapakse's Guide  - If none of the previous ones works out in eradicating poor, fly to Sri Lanka and talk to Mahindra Rajapakse. Remember this is the Brahmaastra, so use it only when all others fail. He will guide everyone who seeks his help on 'How to commit mass murders of innocent people with compelling evidence and still hold the head high with a sense of achievement'.

       Each of the above policies is a novel approach which may be suffice to achieve the goal as a stand-alone. However if doesn't work out that way, its wise to use combinations of all of these and make our country 'a better place' to live in. After all one need to eradicate the cause (poor people) in order for the effect (poverty) to cease to exist.

Jayalalitha's CODE of Governance

    The following is the code of conduct that Jayalalitha have been following since ADMK government came to power, a few months ago. The code is in a very abstract format with each of its functions being delegated, compiled and executed independently and reported back to you know whom.

#include "DMDK.h"
#include "Communist_Parties.h"


float alliance_with_Congress;
float alliance_with_BJP;
float aligning_to_third_front;


void ADMK_random(one parameter);


void Jaya_tv() {


    ADMK_random(accuse_DMK);
    report_faults_with_DMK();
    report_measures_of_ADMK();
    report_complaints_about_DMK();
    report_thanks_to_Jayalalitha(); 
    ADMK_random (report_scams);
}


int main () {


   for ( int month=1; month<=60; month++) {  
            for(int week=1; week<=4; week++) {
                       for(int day=1; day<=7; day++) { 
                             Jaya_tv();
                       } //End of a day


                       Introduce_new_schemes(at_various_sectors);   
                       report_thanks_to_Jayalalitha();
                       ADMK_random(alter_previously_introduced_schemes);
                       ADMK_random(file_case_against_predecessors);
                       ADMK_random(shuffle_cabinet_ministers);
                       ADMK_random(shuffle_secretaries_IPS_IAS_officers);


            } //End of a week


           ADMK_random(seek_Central_reserves_for_funds);
           ADMK_random(meet_media_Press_people);
           ADMK_random(Call_on_some_politician_on_a_friendly_note);    
           ADMK_random(Support_Central_Govt_policies);
           ADMK_random(Oppose_Central_Govt_policies);


   }//End of a month


return government;
}

void ADMK_random(one parameter) {

   /*

    * 

    *

    * 

    *

    * 

    *  Proprietary code, not for public access

    *  

    *  

    * 

    * 

    */

}

World Headlines in 2060 - India #1

"Ajmal Kasab is dead"

            In one of the most remarkable turn of events of the year, Ajmal Kasab breathed his last at his residence in Arthur Road Jail. His health started to fail since the last two days and the doctors almost timed his demise to precision and hence there was this The Truman Show kind of coverage of his last two days. 

• Unconfirmed reports suggest that Al-Qaeda had sponsored the entire show on 50 of the 2456 National television news channels that covered the entire episode. 
• Film producers from across the country have already sought rights from the channels to make movies based on various aspects of the life of Ajmal Kasab.  
• 26/11 victim's grand kids from across Mumbai have begun celebrating and one such caught on News Channel Camera was seen saying "Patience and perseverance of the Long Arm of Indian Justice has given him the capital punishment in the best way possible." 
• Pakistan had sent its deepest condolences for the fact that it had just considered running an inquiry to establish Kasab's identity as a Pakistani but its rather unfortunate that he is no more.  As a quick response to Pakistan's statement, The Indian Ministry of External Affairs has released a statement "We are very happy on Pakistan's initiative and would like to commit that Kasab's body would be preserved till Pakistan completes its inquiry on finding his nationality."
• The entire Kasab's episode, journey and his existence in India has received very positive feedback from lots of terrorists and almost everyone are unanimous in their thoughts of shifting their terror base to India. When asked why, one was proud to state that "Here we get a lot of respect and concern and most importantly we can lead a dignified life as India's core value of Athithi Devo Bhava  is very much extended to us, if not all."

World Headlines in 2060 - America #1

"A success for US in their war against terror as they find Weapons of Mass Destruction PHOTOS in N'Djamena, CHAD"

Photo Courtesy: US, Dept of State

         In a major breakthrough for the US in about 60 years of their WAR AGAINST TERROR, they finally proved their posthumous critics wrong after unearthing "Original photocopies" of hundreds of Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMD) photos. It is dubbed as the biggest haul by the US since the beginning of their war against terror that started way back in 2001, after the 9/11 attacks on the WTC twin towers. With this conquest of CHAD, one of the central part of the African Continent, US has just announced that "their hard work and strong goals in eradicating terrorism from the face of the Earth has just been rewarded soundly". This has instilled confidence in finding WMD in as soon as another 40 years. Highly placed sources quoting Intel reports suggested that now since entire Africa has been conquered sanitized by the US, they are almost certain that the WMD have been move to Europe or Asia by the Saddam Hussein loyalists. The US President is expected to fly to Ground Zero and make a speech from there, thanking all the 'wise minds' who've supported and stood beside them in this WAR AGAINST TERROR.

Mr.Chovan Held Kobama's Hand Longer Than Expected

      For the first time in the history of Send-Off ceremonies, Mr.Ashog Chovan was seen SHAKING HANDS with Mr.Kobama LONGER than that was defined by the Protocol draft and in-fact the Protocol Minister Juresh Jetty was seen restless having witnessed the incident from close-quarters.

   "With reports and comments flowing in from various Government establishments, we're still unaware of the reason for Mr.Chovan's unruly act." - An FBI Security Chief at the Mumbai Airport

The White House was the first to react stating "This incident is totally unacceptable and we've called on a High-Level Meet to assess ALL the possible security breaches summing up-to this."

"We had been briefing and making 'these people' in India, on how to shake hands with Mr.Kobama and now with this lapse we have identified that Mr.Chovan had skipped the last two training sessions. We sure will take this issue with our Indian Intelligence Counterparts ASAP" - The CIA Chief-In-Charge of Security at the Send-Off location.

A Sting operation by INN-CBN has released EXCLUSIVE INN-CBN watermarked video tapes of the disgruntled Mr.Jetty post the incident sighing - "He (Mr.Chovan) did not have the latest Protocol Script v5.0. and He did not pay attention to me as well."

Ms.Rirupama Nao of the Ministry of External Affairs stated  - "Its too soon to comment on this and we are yet to receive any formal report / complaint from our US counterparts."

With various Indian National News Television agencies already in full preparations to bring out their versions of discussing this ISSUE of NATIONAL SHAME, our close sources revealed that 

• Sardeep Rajdesai of INN-CBN has already roped-in THREE PROTOCOL Experts from both India and US to discuss this issue prime-time tonight along with a strong contingent of 25 other experts.
• Proving they're not too shy at this game, NDeTV has asked Ms.Darka Bhatt to audition a set of 100 young people between the ages 20-30 based on who-claps-the-loudest and air a show prime-time tonight discussing this issue. 
• Nimes TOW has already started Breaking News as I speak, raising questions of speculative nature like...
• Whom to blame?? Was it Mr.Kobama or Mr.Chovan, who held the hand LONGER??
• Could this be a publicity stunt by Mr.Chovan to make up for his Adarsh SCAM???
• Did Mr.Chovan just follow "orders" of the Congress High Command in doing this???
• Was there a foreign HAND involved in this incident???
• The rest of the National English Channels are busy watermarking each of OUR photo stock as EXCLUSIVELY theirs.
  

With camera person Will-capture-all-footage Singh, this is I-am-the-news-breaker Patel for Pee Tee Aai, signing off!!!

Who's dumb?

We were schoolmates until 6th grade.

His parents made him drop out 

as he was a shame 

being the dumbest of guys on every possible front.

We never crossed roads, for years.

Following my IAS, I found I was posted in the State 

where he served as the 

Minister for Higher Education!!!

Unasked Reservations

         Reservations in India has been existent for more than half a century now. It was then, the need of the hour, to close the gap on discrimination. Throughout the tenure of existence it has for sure made a lot of impact on the lives of almost every Indian, be it good or bad. Some of its notable impacts are as follows...

• It has given way for the people from the backward classes (which was also the economically backward class, when this was introduced) an equal chance to be able to pursue education at esteemed institutions as well as be able to get reserved opportunities to have a shot at the employment prospects at all Government  and PSU establishments.
• It has been a very effective political tool to win elections since then, till date.
• It has failed to completely bridge the discrimination on the people's mind but has been aiding communal clashes both big and petty.
• It has made any government employee reap benefits (everything or nothing) resulting in a divided mindset on this concept.
• This has paved way for a few truly potential individuals and many incompetent individuals to rise to higher levels in the organizational ladder.
• With bribery and falsehood at ease, another very important impact is that countless people have doctored their caste identity to fall under one of the backward castes to harness its benefits.

          It's certain that a politician will neither raise a voice to, if not abolish but even alter the reservation rules based on the present needs nor will he allow any other person who may try to do that, be heard. Also they (The Politicians) have already started looking at roping in other MNC based employment sectors to abide by these reservation rules as well, to boost up their political presence 

                 Since the idea of reservation was started for the equality of opportunities in education and employment. There has been a few other sectors which hasn't been incorporated into this system for a long time and I would like to throw some light in that direction.

In Politics

• Why not the 825 (280 in RS & 545 in LS) seats in the parliament be apportioned and alloted based on the reservation quota rules?
• Why not every state election strictly abide by the reservation rules. E.g in Tamil Nadu the 234 legislative seats must constitute the combination of all castes summing upto the total count of 234?
• Another option for the previous one, every political party should choose their candidates with the mix of people, applying the reservation quota rules.
• The elections at reserved constituencies must be contested by the those of that caste only.
• During the vote counting in a constituency where the a BC candidate of a party and SC candidate of another party are contesting, the SC candidate should be given more preference even if lesser number of people have voted for him.

In Sports

• The playing team in every sport should be according to reservation quota policies for whichever level of participation, be it school, college, state or even representing India.
• If it's an individual sport, matches should take place between players of different castes, wherein the winner will represent the State or Nation in that sport. However the winning rules are different for different castes. For eg in a five game encounter, the upper caste has to win all 5 to move on further however the SC/ST are through to the next round even if they win just one game.
• In the IPL, every team MUST consist of at-least one of OC/BC/MBC/OBC/SC/ST. Also the at least TWO foreign players MUST have valid caste certificate belonging to any one these.

In Entertainment

• How about the lead role casts be chosen on caste based reservations? Why do they need to pick the cast and crew based on their skill, beauty or talent?
• The screening or the auditioning process MUST have the caste based preferences as the   entry criterion.
• Why to spare the beauty pageant shows from these rules?
• The reality / talent shows should not eliminate people even if they are voted out, if that person belongs to any of MBC/SC/ST.

            Whatever that is age old, needs restoration and renovation and the Reservation policies are no exemptions. It's high time that either the bureaucrats and the politicians woke up and wear their thinking hats for the true progress of the nation or make the nation uniformly go down the drain on all fronts (like the few which has been suggested above) so that there is no discrimination (which is the core mantra of the reservation policies).

Modern Arthashastra

        Arthashastra is regarded as one the best bets, to master the art of politics and rule a state competently. However with time and research, as on date there is a Modern Arthashastra that can be mandated as the heart of political science. The following is the comparision of the chapters of the age old epic with the modern one.

    The various chapters of the Modern Arthashastra are collectively the core values of any political party in India and are listed below along-with the original ones in brackets (courtesy Wikipedia).

• I Defining the Conduct of the Party - (Concerning Discipline)
• II What the Leaders of ruling Party (shortly as WLP) can exercise at free will whereas others cannot - (The Duties of Government Superintendents)
• III WLP feels like, depending on the cases against the Party Leaders - (Concerning Law)
• IV The Art of the removal of Jaswanth Singh kind of. -(The Removal of Thorns)
• V The DOs and DON'Ts of the non significant members - (The Conduct of Courtiers)
• VI How to keep the party on the lines of the Leader's Heirs - (The Source of Sovereign States)
• VII  The Art of keeping the six stated above, intact - (The End of the Six-Fold Policy)
• VIII Art of staging sponsored agitations  - (Concerning Vices and Calamities)
• IX The Art of concerning and "controlling" foreign interventions - (The Work of an Invader)
• X The election strategies -(Relating to War)
• XI Art of providing grants and exemptions to foreign investments - (The Conduct of Corporations)
• XII How "not" to succumb  to the "friendly foes"  -  (Concerning a Powerful Enemy)
• XIII The Art as exhibited by fast till death, by certain people - (Strategic Means to Capture a Fortress)
• XIV Making people believe what is not true (Ex: KCR 11 day fast) - (Secret Means)
• XV The Art of exposing the demand for a new state when the Party is neither stable enough to win the elections nor has the credibility in the region - (The Plan of a Treatise)

Divide and Rule

           The Divide and Rule is not something new to hear about, at least for someone in the Indian-subcontinent. It has been used here in the past as one of the most effective and successful policies of all, in the world. All those who don't have a clue of their middle school history lessons can have a look at here and others can continue further on.

The Present Divide and Rule policy

     What's it all about? - The divide and rule policy at present is very less, in the lines of what was prevalent in our country under the British rule. However its a clear, violent and tag less civil war. There are a few perspectives to look at and they are as listed below in the order of precedence from the least to the most, which is the reason for the divide and rule as such to materialize. 

• Social and Geographical edge : The cultural impact, standard of living of the people,  social standard and of course the geographical inhibitions of the terrain and the Human as the resource, in large numbers, is the LAMP.

• Economical edge :  The economic status, growth and prospects w.r.t other regions surrounding it and at most times highlighted as the most important reason. This is ideally to be considered the OIL for this policy.

• The Political sphere : The people who're so vehemently protesting for this to happen, speak in terms of the importance and necessity of the two stated above however what they really have in mind is the lust for power and position more than anything else. Hence this leads us to what the FIRE is, that burns the OIL in the LAMP.

        After the proposed "divide" is complete, the "rule" starts and the FIRE being blown out with the LAMP and OIL taken care similar to the candle on top of a birthday cake, after its blown out.